Happiness vs. Contentment

On the recommendation of one of my clients, I just finished reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. The Publisher's Weekly review summarizes it well:

Rubin is not an unhappy woman: she has a loving husband, two great kids and a writing career in New York City. Still, she could-and, arguably, should-be happier. Thus, her methodical (and bizarre) happiness project: spend one year achieving careful, measurable goals in different areas of life (marriage, work, parenting, self-fulfillment) and build on them cumulatively, using concrete steps (such as, in January, going to bed earlier, exercising better, getting organized, and "acting more energetic"). By December, she's striving bemusedly to keep increasing happiness in every aspect of her life. The outcome is good, not perfect (in accordance with one of her "Secrets of Adulthood": "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good"), but Rubin's funny, perceptive account is both inspirational and forgiving, and sprinkled with just enough wise tips, concrete advice and timely research (including all those other recent books on happiness) to qualify as self-help. Defying self-help expectations, however, Rubin writes with keen senses of self and narrative, balancing the personal and the universal with a light touch. Rubin's project makes curiously compulsive reading, which is enough to make any reader happy. 

Overall, I found it very thought-provoking. I agreed with a lot of her ideas and I thought she incorporated the psychological research quite well, but I fundamentally disagree with pursuing "happiness" as the end goal. I think there is a place for all emotions (including the "bad" ones like sadness and anxiety), and solely seeking happiness thus prohibits one from experiencing the full range of emotional experiences. Personally, I see "contentment" or "inner peace" as much more noble goals. Perhaps it has to do with the time frame: I conceptualize happiness as an intense yet short-term reaction (you win a $1 scratch off lottery ticket, you feel happy; you make every green light on your way to work, you feel happy) before returning to your baseline level of emotions. Contentment, on the other hand, is a more neutral yet longer-lasting response. You can feel content while doing things you enjoy (reading, sitting in the sun, taking a long walk) AND you can feel content while doing things you don't particularly enjoy (doing the dishes, waiting in line at the grocery store, balancing the checkbooks) -- as long as you know your actions are done in the service of your broader values (e.g., cultivating relationships, valuing education, self-care, etc.).

So to that end, I've been working on cultivating a sense of contentment and inner peace. Yoga and meditation certainly help with that, but they quickly get thrown out the window when I become stressed with work, fertility, relationships, etc. To help keep my broader goal in the forefront of my mind, I'm going to steal Gretchen Rubin's idea of listing "Personal Commandments." Here's her list of Twelve Personal Commandments:
Be Gretchen.
Let it go.
Act the way I want to feel.
Do it now.
Be polite and be fair.
Enjoy the process.
Spend out.
Identify the problem.
Lighten up.
Do what ought to be done.
No calculation.
There is only love.
(I hope the links all work! She writes some great blog posts explaining each time - I especially like the first one.)

Here's what I've come up with so far for myself. I'll certainly expand the list over time, and if I'm feeling super motivated one day I'll write a blog post about each one. But at least I have a list to start.

Stephanie's Path to Contentment
* Accept myself for who I am
* Let go of the little things
* Be spontaneous; be flexible
* Do what's best for me
* Honor my body with whole foods and regular exercise
* Take time to relax
* Be myself, regardless of context (at work vs. at home vs. with family vs. with friends)
* Continue learning
* Do something fun every day
* Cultivate friendships

I'm not going to go crazy with a "resolution chart" (as the author did in her book), but I'm going to keep these things in mind as I actively pursue contentment and inner peace.