Learning to Love Myself

Have you ever noticed that the most important lessons in life, the ones that are really hard to accept, are the ones that keep coming back to haunt you until you have truly learned them? 

I had a great conversation about that with my mom yesterday. You know that I've been feeling pretty bummed about being left behind by my much-faster running buddy. (I know it probably seems to the rest of you like I'm beating a dead horse, but it's been haunting my every thought for a couple weeks now, so bear with me.) So I brought it up with my therapist mom, and explained that I've been feeling angry about it -- not at Amanda, but more at myself.

"Really?!" she challenged me.

"Yeah, I mean - what's wrong with me? I can't run fast, I don't improve like other people, and I'm just not an athlete. No matter what I do physically, I fail at it." (Yes, I do catastrophize a bit when I'm upset.)

"Steph," she said, "stop right there.  You are an athlete because you run. You are a success because you get out there. You run just as fast as is right for your body. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to push yourself so hard.You can accept yourself just as you are." (Yes, she really is that good!)

So basically the very things that I "preach" to my clients all day, every day:  I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to push myself so hard. I can accept myself just the way I am.

Whew. One of these days the universe will stop hitting me over the head with these "opportunities" for learning to love myself. Thanks, universe, for reminding me that I am still (for now!) learning this lesson...